A 30-year-old mother has revealed that she refuses to have s*x with husband until she learns how to enjoy physical intimacy for herself because she spent years treating herself like s*xual object at her past partners’ disposal. Britni de la Cretaz, a writer from Boston, said she used to participate in various s*xual acts with partners and act like a p*rn star in the bedroom because she thought that was what men wanted, and she didn’t know she could choose to say no.
‘Growing up in a world that tells women that we are s*xual objects, that wants us to know that our worth lies in how attractive we are to men,’
she wrote in an essay for Cosmopolitan.com. ‘I internalized those messages. I learned to see my value being measured by how many men wanted to sleep with me.’
And while many men would be uncomfortable with their wives swearing off s*x, Britni said her husband loves her and ‘supports her 100 per cent’ Britni explained that in the past she used s*x as a way to make people like her. She did it to squash arguments with her partner and even to score drugs. ‘I’ve spent my entire life having s*x for other people,’ she said.
Britni recalled feeling pressured to have anal s*x for the first time and crying throughout the entire act, but after her partner gushed about how s*xy she was and how much he cared about her.’So I believed him, and believed that his affection was conditionally attached to the things I was willing to do in bed,’ she said.
Britni said she continued to allow him to have anal s*x with her because she thought it was consensual, but looking back she ‘didn’t know how to consent’.
Not only did her destructive behavior leave her ‘incredibly traumatized’, but she said she still doesn’t know what it is like to truly want to have s*x for her own benefit..
‘I’m sick of the messages that tell us we should do it for our husbands, to make them happy,’ she said.
Britni explained that her husband also wants her to be a s*xual partner who is an ‘active, invested participant’, so he is helping her develop the boundaries that she lacked in previous relationships.
However, she will be the first to admit that it is not always easy. Britni recalled splurging on a raincoat she loved when she and her husband were on a tight budget, explaining that she immediately though about seducing her husband by wearing nothing but the raincoat and heels in order to avoid a fight.
Instead, she confessed what happened and learned that her husband understood and wasn’t even mad.
And while she hopes that she will one day desire s*x for herself, she is unwilling to give her body away to anyone – even her husband.
‘So no, I won’t have s*x once per week “for my husband,” because it’s “good for our relationship.” We’ll have s*x when we both want to, and our relationship is actually stronger than it’s ever been,’ she wrote.