It is ideal for every wife-to-be to spot a potential wife beater before she marry him!
Hitting, Shoving.,Domestic violence, Wife-beating, Shrouded in fear, shame and guilt, so many women are afraid to speak out.
Brutal beatings sometimes end in the death of one or the other partner(or even both partners in murder-suicides) in the worst case scenarios.
I have seen and heard of ladies who get into relationships and even with all the warning signs of potential domestic violence screaming at them, they do not leave the relationship. When a man hits you while you are dating, it bodes ill for the marriage as problems like this only get worse.
So my sister, before you end up marrying this smooth-talking man, here are some clues that he may be prone to using his fists:
1. Over reaction:
Does he blow his top just because you burnt the dinner and come at you in a heated rage? Does he get angry over things that most people would brush aside? This is not a good thing. The quality of self control or impulse control is there to make you rein in your actions when your feelings are threatening to take over. A man who consistently over reacts, has poor impulse control. The next time his impulses feel like giving you a “beat-down”, he will just give in.
2. Frequent tantrums:
Does he get extremely angry, very often? Watch out. There is no reason for overblown, exaggerated rage. There is no reason to fly off the handle at everything that annoys you. Everyone has the potential to “lose it” on occasion, and those occasions are quite usually for serious things. There is a difference between a tantrum and mild irritation. If a man throws tantrums like a child, watch out! This is a wife beater in the making.
3. His father hit his mother:
Men who grow up with domestic violence are more likely to see it as normal, than those who did not. In most cases we replicate what we see, either because we do not know better( we think it is normal or right); or we do not know anything different( we know it is not normal, but we do not know anything else to do). If your boyfriend’s father hit his mother, it does not automatically disqualify him.
You both, however will need counseling, prayer and mentorship to guide you, so that you do not fall into the same bad cycle. On the flip side, if your dad hit your mother, you too are likely to fall for a wife beater type. Please be extra careful and watch for the signs.
4. Previous episodes:
Did he hit his ex wife? Did she “make him do it”? He will most likely carry this behavior forward. If he hit his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend and has all the excuses in the world, sister-girl, pack up your heart, put it back in your chest and flee for your life! This is clearly a man who has anger and violence issues and above all is unrepentant! Do not fall for the lines: “she was difficult, she was a nag”; “you are different, you bring out the best in me”.
If at all feasible, try to learn of his reputation from other people who knew him before you came along. If he says “I have changed” watch him in potentially challenging situations. A man who hit his ex will have to go through some type of counseling process or anger management, to quell “the beast within”.
5. Hitting things and breaking things when angry:
This may look like “at least he is not hitting me”, but for how long can you take that chance and gamble on the fact that your face may or may not be the next thing that is broken in two? If your boyfriend punches the wall instead of you, do not take it as a reassuring sign. It is not. He needs to seek help or you need to help yourself and run!
6. Unreasonable suspicion and jealousy:
Pathologically jealous people are prone to extremes of behavior. Is he constantly checking up on you, checking your phone, asking to know your whereabouts down to the last detail? Does he get mad when you interact with other males? Does he read wrong meanings into these interactions? Does he accuse you of cheating on him with no proof? Does he tell you that he is being protective, when he is confronted about this? Obviously if you have broken trust in the past, your boyfriend has a right to be cautious. Still there is caution and protectiveness and there is suspicion and possessiveness.
The difference between the two becomes apparent when you study the interactions of other ladies and their significant others. Do not bury your head in the sand.
These are not foolproof, and domestic violence can start after marriage, without prior signs . It is however surprising, and scary to see many women go into marriage even with all the above warning signs screaming at them.